just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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