the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
