And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
