i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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