Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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