you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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