Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
