Swine flu. Run for my life!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
