Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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