i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
