So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
