Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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