phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
