Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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