dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
