Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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