once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
