You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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