I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
