Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
