God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my being single is dangerous.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
