you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
