just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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