Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
