Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
