I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
