You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
