Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
