I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
