Swine flu is the new snow day.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
