Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
