all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
