Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
