there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
