well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
two words: eviction party
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
