Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
