We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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