***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
