An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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