I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
