help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
