yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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