mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
