I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
