i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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