i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
