yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
