no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
