When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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