do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
