So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
