Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
