Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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