i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
