Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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