You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
