I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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