Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
