i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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