She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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