Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
