It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
