Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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