Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
A+ Viking dick
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