my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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