I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
