so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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