NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
