Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
