just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
