Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
