oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize