Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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