I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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